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  A couple who arrived at Machu Picchu by bus after them brought their little boy with them. The child, who looked about four years old, was sleepy and grumbled that he was hungry and he still didn’t get his breakfast.

  “This is not a place for kids,” Jonathan whispered.

  Sarah looked toward the rising sun, watched the breathtaking scenery, the snowy caps, and thought about her son, Daniel. . . Where could he be? And why couldn’t she stop thinking about him?

  ***

  Sarah woke up from her stream of memories and looked around. She found herself sitting in front of the massive, partially chiseled rock. She was amazed at how detailed and vivid her memories were, and how well she witnessed the past experience in Machu Picchu, almost as if she was there right at that moment.

  The earth shook lightly. Ever since they’d moved to their house, in the area of the San Andreas Fault line—prone to earthquakes, which could occur at any moment and without any warning—Sarah and Jonathan had adopted certain resilience to the phenomena. They refused to get alarmed every time the earth moved and emitted its muffled sound, and that’s how they behaved this time. Still, Sarah said, “That was interesting,” and Jonathan nodded, agreeing with her.

  “Let’s go,” he told her, “We should come here only on special occasions.” She nodded toward him, got up, and they made their way down the hill. They walked in silence, immersed in their thoughts, each of them in their own inner world.

  Jonathan thought about his parents, and how he hadn’t been fortunate enough to get to know them, and wondered if the guilt feelings that were imposed on him were justified.

  Sarah thought about her son, Daniel. In her mind, she cried out for him to search for her so she could hug him and embrace him into her heart, because without him she was not whole.

  That evening, Sarah talked on the phone with her sister Julie, who lived in San Francisco. “Did you feel the earthquake?” Sarah casually asked.

  “No,” Julie answered, “It must have been only in your area.”

  Chapter 10

  Sarah

  It started after a Christmas party in the clinic where Sarah worked. For the event, the main meeting room had been festively decorated with colorful ribbons. The mood was exalted, and the workers ate cakes and raised a toast to the New Year.

  When the modest celebration ended, Sarah helped in cleaning and rearranging the room, while staff members were saying goodbye to one another, and wishing each other a good holiday vacation with their families.

  Sarah took her time and didn’t rush to leave the clinic, unlike her colleagues, who were anxious to go in order to have time for last-minute shopping, cooking, and other preparations for the upcoming holiday. Maybe she waited for the nagging rain to stop, or perhaps it was because she had no reason to be in a hurry. Thirty-one-year-old Sarah didn’t have children and a family waiting for her: only her loving husband, who tended to be withdrawn, especially during the holidays, which seemed like a nuisance for him.

  She knew that, as in previous years, they would spend Christmas in San Francisco with her sister, Julie, her husband Edmond, and their three kids. Julie always invited childless Sarah and Jonathan, possibly out of pity.

  Sarah delayed her departure from the clinic, and perhaps she knew what she was waiting for. Also the young Dr. Morgan stayed around, supposedly to finish some paperwork in his office. When the clinic’s door closed, and only the two of them remained, they looked at one another and knew that they both desired the same thing; there was no need to waste time and words.

  Already on that first occasion, she hated herself, loathed herself for betraying her husband. But she knew that she must do it; she really had no choice. She must get pregnant for herself, for her mental well-being, and for both of them.

  Sarah was convinced that the reason for her failing to get pregnant did not stem from her physical inability, but it was due to some malfunction of her husband. She, of course, had already been pregnant and therefore she was capable. Sarah didn’t blame Jonathan, but she had to try; she owed it to herself, and she knew that if she succeeded— it would bring happiness to both of them—and he would forgive her.

  Dr. Morgan looked at her and appeared hesitant, still weighing whether to follow his desire, and if it was appropriate to have sex at work, and with a married woman. Sarah understood that she must take the lead. She got close to him and hugged him gently. “It’s OK,” she whispered, and smiled into his shy eyes. She gently stroked his chest. “Breath deep,” she added, and attached her body to his. He followed her directions and filled his lungs with air, and she felt how his body awakened and responded to her. They stepped together into one of the treatment rooms, where she swiftly dropped her clothes, knowing that the young man would not be able to resist her charm and seduction. Sarah was no longer as thin as she was in her youth, but she thought she was full in the right places, ripe, and attractive.

  She was honest with herself and didn’t try to hide that she desired him, coveting his young and innocent body. He was inexperienced and didn’t know how to arouse and excite her as her loving husband did, and his movements were somewhat cumbersome. But in his unpretentious way, he expressed affection and appreciation toward her, toward her body and her significant experience.

  The connection with the young doctor lasted a few months, during which she slipped away from her house, making different excuses so that she could meet him. She didn’t fall in love with Dr. Morgan, but she loved the excitement and the forbidden nature of the affair.

  The relationship was severed by the young doctor, who was worried about the consequences of sex in the workplace, and with a subordinate. Sarah didn’t feel very disappointed about ending the affair, but she was saddened to acknowledge that she’d failed to reach her goal—to get pregnant— and she was no longer sure that the problem stemmed from her husband.

  Afterward, she continued to be unfaithful to her husband, continued to cheat, to break her vows, and to feel tormented and hateful toward herself. If the relationship with Dr. Morgan occurred with some spontaneity, the following affairs came as a result of Sarah’s initiation. She did it with a clear mind, as if she was on a mission, fulfilling an undertaking that had nothing to do with love.

  She started to go to bars, dressing in sexy outfits, seductive and revealing, that emphasized her femininity. Sitting at the counter, she waited for guys to hunt her. She didn’t go with just anybody, but waited to be approached by someone she would find appealing in some way. She suspected that Jonathan knew; she had seen it in his eyes, in his behavior, in his constrained rage, and in his shutting himself off to her. But he didn’t say anything, as if he understood her, accepting that she wasn’t really betraying him—that’s what she wanted to believe.

  She regretted making him sad, hated to hurt him, and herself, and she worried that he would find a way to get his revenge, but it was stronger than her. She had to try; that’s what she repeatedly told herself, continuing to think she had no other choice.

  Her son, Daniel, had been taken from her in a cruel manner, a short time after he was born. Daniel, that’s the name by which she continued to think of him, wondering if it happened to be the name he received from his adoptive parents. She had spent much time thinking of him, of her only son, aching to know where he was, praying he was happy, and wishing the day would come when he would search for and find her.

  She must feel it again—she kept telling herself—the immense happiness she sensed when she’d held him to her bosom. And when she would once again hold the complete, unhindered love in her arms, she would never give it up; nobody would be able to steal her son or daughter away from her. She would fight to the death; yes, she was willing to give her life, and to attain that goal she was prepared to live a life of lies.

  She reached a very low point one night when she met a stranger in a bar at a nearby town. He bought her a beer, and after a short conversation, in which they got slightly acquainted with one another, she got into his ca
r. He drove to his home where she entered the bedroom, which was on the second floor. The sex was short, unexciting, and meaningless, and after he had finished, the guy turned to his side of the bed, and immediately fell asleep. She lay naked for a while, feeling repulsive toward herself. She wondered how she’d get out of the house, and if she would find a taxi at such a late hour. And then, much to her surprise, she heard the sound of a baby crying. She got up from the bed, and in an adjacent room, she saw a baby in a crib. How didn’t I notice him before? she wondered. She lifted the baby to her bosom, and while embracing him, she was flooded with a wave of sensations, familiar and also chilling. The baby didn’t stop crying. She turned to the man who was deeply asleep. “The baby needs to be fed,” she told him.

  “What? The baby?” It took him time to come to his senses. “Ah, yes, there is baby’s milk in the fridge. It has to be heated,” he mumbled. And then Sarah heard the front door being slammed, and then came the sound of confident high-heeled shoes approaching.

  “Oh my God, it’s my wife,” the man uttered in a panic. “You’ve got to run!” He led her, or rather pushed her, into a narrow staircase that went from the bedroom’s balcony outside into the yard.

  Frightened and naked, she hastily escaped, and the man tossed her belongings after her—clothes, shoes, and the personal handbag where she kept her wallet and cell phone. With tears of shame in her eyes, she dressed, feeling disgusted by her actions. She wondered how she had hit such a disgraceful bottom. But she knew she didn’t intend to stop going down that shameful path that her destiny was taking her on.

  Chapter 11

  Jonathan

  The attraction to cars and all their components had been with Jonathan since an early age. He understood cars and their rotating parts, unlike people, whose behavior often seemed strange, unpredictable, and vicious.

  He was drawn to the challenge of repairing a broken-down vehicle, be it his own vehicle or a car of friends or acquaintances. He would examine the problem, diagnose it, and pinpoint the reason for the malfunction impairing smooth operation. He knew how to take apart small and large parts to reach the very root of the problem, and afterward to reassemble it all, start the car, and see the engine running effortlessly, singing in a melody that only he could hear.

  The cars obeyed him, responded favorably to the patient treatment of his skillful hands. They stood by him, helped and supported him in his life’s journey. When he was a teenager, the cars contributed to his popularity, due to his ability and willingness to repair his friends’ cars.

  The girls at his high school used to approach him pleading and coquetting, “Jonathan, be sweet and help me with my car.”

  He usually agreed, without setting conditions for his services, and not asking for money in exchange for his proficiency. If it happened that they felt they wanted to compensate him in some way or another, he gratefully accepted.

  After high school, he studied car mechanics and the car’s electrical system, and he didn’t have a hard time turning his skill into a source of livelihood. He was employed at different repair shops, and their owners always appreciated his contribution, his diligence, and his expertise.

  After about ten years of making a living as a car mechanic, a new interest had attracted and magnetized him—a curiosity that wasn’t fundamentally different from his interest in cars, but much more fascinating and challenging—the world of computers. His attraction to computers was first of all from the technical aspect. He liked to solve computer problems, if in software, and more so in hardware. He enjoyed taking the computer completely apart and then reassembling it back together. The computers in his house worked partially dismantled because that way he felt closer to the heart of the wondrous box that produced letters, numbers, and complicated calculations. An elaborated machine that allows communication, pictures, and sounds, and at its core a small unit, a tiny bit that has only two positions: one and zero, on and off, light and dark, heaven and earth, male and female, life and death. . . he could let his inquisitive mind explore the possibilities.

  In Jonathan and Sarah’s estate, inside the big barn that stood a walking distance from the house, Jonathan built himself a wooden inner chamber to be his computer room. He had an extensive collection of computers, from “ancient” computers running the DOS operating system, to the latest word in the field: cutting-edge, state-of-the-art technologies.

  Jonathan wanted to use and implement the computer’s abilities, and to learn to work with complex and powerful programs. From the various possibilities that the field of computers offered, he chose to focus on the graphic area. Accordingly, he signed up for evening courses in a college in Soquel, a small town located about a half-hour drive from his home.

  He took graphic design and introduction to animation and found the studies interesting and challenging. He comprehended the materials easily, and high grades reflected his conversancy and talent. The programs obeyed him, as did the instruments when he fixed cars, and within a short time he succeeded to reach convincing looking creations with the new tools that were put in his hands. Nevertheless, he realized that while his command of the computer and programs was clearly better than his schoolmates, and even his teachers, his creative ability was not as developed. His work tended to be very precise but lacked in vision and artistic imagination.

  At the age of thirty-two, he was noticeably older than most of the students, and even with the youngsters treating him in a friendly manner, he felt out of place, like he had missed the train—a dinosaur, superannuated. He saw that the school framework was designed for young students who aspired to develop a career, not for him, who was there due to genuine interest and not for some diploma. He didn’t like spending time preparing for exams, and he also realized that driving back and forth robbed him of precious time.

  After deliberating the issue, seriously weighing the pros and cons, he withdrew from college at the end of the second semester but continued to develop his education and skills on his own. He purchased the programs that interested him, as well as instruction books, and continued to develop his expertise and ability to work in the digital domain.

  Despite not having any diploma in computer studies, Jonathan managed to find a job as a computer technician in a mid-sized factory called Excel-Part, which manufactured parts for the auto industry. The plant was situated outside the city of San Jose, about a thirty-minute drive from his home.

  He loved his work, where he isolated and solved complicated problems in software, hardware, network, and communications. He also responded to simple issues that the users encountered, which he easily solved, patiently and with a smile, and went on his way to the next station, to help users who awaited his help and were always glad to see him.

  With time, he gained expertise and proficiency. In the factory, he was considered a loyal, dedicated, and responsible employee.

  But he observed that the appreciation he got from his bosses didn’t render into a decent salary, and from time to time he felt displeased and bitter. Still, he preferred to focus on his work, to fulfill his duties, and not get swept away and let frustration affect his positive attitude toward his work and his tasks.

  “They are taking advantage of you,” said Sarah, who earned more money than him. “With everything you put into the company, the many hours you’ve worked overtime, caring and taking responsibility for your work— your salary should be much higher.”

  Jonathan didn’t know if the financial issue diminished his worth and stature in her eyes. But every time he found the courage to ask for a raise, he was answered immediately, clear and simple, and was told that he could easily be replaced by younger people who were faster and more educated than he was. And Jonathan knew that the market was indeed saturated with young individuals looking for a job in his line of work and that he would have a tough time finding a job elsewhere.

  ***

  When his beloved wife, Sarah, started to slip away from the house making different excuses, he knew right away that she
was having an affair, betraying him, and her infidelity deeply saddened him and dampened his mood. Deep in his soul, he was furious at her, and he looked at ways to get revenge, even considering breaking up the marriage.

  He knew what he would tell her. If he’d be able to control his anger, he would quietly say, “I want you to pack up your stuff and leave by the end of this week, and there’s nothing to talk about.” And if he would not be able to restrain his rage, he would say, “Get the hell out of here because you are disgusting,” or something like that.

  But always at the dinner table, when he intended to bring up the subject and tell her that it was over, he would gaze at her, look into her eyes, and see the love that she felt for him. He sensed her remorse for making him sad, and in a strange way, he felt that she didn’t really betray him. When they made love, he knew that she was wholly and entirely his, which is why he didn’t say what he had intended to during those dinners, and remained silent. Sarah understood what was in his heart and mind; she felt the constrained rage within him and even identified with it. And so she filled dinner time with light conversations about routine matters.

  Since she’d betrayed him, he thought that he too was free to break off his vows to her. It didn’t happen often, but when opportunities came his way, he felt that he was relieved from his duty as a married man. He spent time with a few women that he met at his workplace, women who were attracted to him: to his good looks that hadn’t waned over the years, to his innocent-looking eyes, and to his ability to help them at a time of need, be it with fixing a computer or with car troubles. They accepted him, rewarded him, made love to him, and for a short time, made it possible to forget the world that was crumbling into an uncontrolled whirlpool.